begin again

wish you well, and wish you well
and wish you well for whom i wish well wish well;
i wish you well i wish you well.

2008 has been..eventful.
hopefully, 2009 will be better. if not for me then at least for you i hope for that, it's true

i spent the last few minutes of 2008 and the first few of 2009 crying my heart out again, for reasons i cannot articulate but of which the sorrow is keenly felt i keenly feel them, still. still i was and the consequences of my wilful folly surge down to me (yes i am the heart of the maelstrom)

and i am sure your last day of 2008 was better because you are a better person than me. you all are -

but i rant again.

resolutions for revolutions
1. relearn to love
2. gain as much knowledge and expertise as possible from internship
3. clean up the house
4. cry less
5. eat more with family
6. save money
7. use less heartspeak to the unworthy or the uncaring
8. visit mama more before she really dies
9. stop weeping whenever technicolour elusive images of long gone days of happy family (proven to have been but illusions) barge unwanted into the mental foreground
10. be happy
11. stay happy
12. make others happy

(sitting here listening to My Heart Will Go On for the hundredth time in three days i hear church bells heralding a new year and the voice of a woman weeping and screaming downstairs, it echoes clearly and a male voice replies in equal mirth. their language is foreign and their tone all too familiar, the chaotic conversation punctuated by slaps and crashes, fluctuating in ebbs and flows that are almost melodic)

(it is always the following silence that is most heartbreaking, the loving whispers and contented sighs stand at attention and stare at you angrily; accusingly; for depriving them another moment of proud display)