bondage

since that day the winds whirled and swirled about me and my world has become more silent. in prioritising, you will be surprised just how many words are redundant, that don't need to be said.

i don't care. why would i care, i hate her. i don't give a shit
save her. save her and take me save her please save her
oh comfort me i'm scared and the nights are frightening and the dreams are unnerving and my sister is scared too so i cry silently but would you could you just for one moment care just one moment would do
please speak softly my heart is broken

words and words and words that don't mean anything to anyone anyway so why should i utter them, i have not do not and will not. i refuse.

the nights now are no longer tearless, they are merely sleepless.

congratulations to you if you can have all the sunshine and happy days in the world, and i always knew i was not meant for such days. but good for you, hurrah for all of you, and i guess given the distance between us i can meet you in the next lifetime.

and don't tell me to cheer up if you don't fucking know what it means to cheer up. to cheer your own self up like putting makeup thick as a clown to be beautiful.

aiya. type and type and rant and cry in the shower at home in the toilet during lunch at work at night walking home in the cd store hearing the song she love(s/d?), averting my eyes from pictures of happy people brochures of places i would like to go people i would like to know all this is Fucking Useless Shit.

if i cancel all the redundant words there is nothing left for me to say.