pillar

the smell of the pink antiseptic handwash stays on my hands long after i have left. it endures through this cab ride too.

first you rub your palms together, then between the fingers, then the back of your hands, then your thumb, then the space between your forefinger and your thumb, then rub your fingertips againsrt your palm for both hands, then rub your wrists in a circular motion. rinse and reach out for the handwipes just above the sink. sometimes the automatic tap doesn't work and i can feel the soap seeping into my skin while i wave my hands infront of the nonchalant sensor.

dust has only just began to fall
spin me round again and rub my eyes
(this can't be happening)
: hide and seek - imogen heap

i remember many times that i have cried alone and in public and suddenly and gradually and in the day at night at dawn at dusk and in timeless enclosed rooms stuffing the pillow into my mouth again.it is false that time erases things. it just dulls it into a repetitive and at least predictable pattern of pain.

there are so many things to be said about..i don't know. a sad love story 25 years old, an internship 6 months long, a relationship 3 years since, a crush 4 years through. a betrayal 5 hours old.

let us be silent and weep. or dance. let's just go dance. we won't speak because talking is ridiculous and we won't cry cause wailing is tiring. let's just dance the world dead and the pain off.

and after that - a sleep long enough to take us far, far, far away from here. hush now, hush now and sleep. hush now hush now nobody is listening anymore hush now hush now nobody is listening anymore hush now hush now let their rainbows glow and their sunshine illuminate hush now hush now hush now and sleep. hush now hush now hush now and sleep.