define worth.

watched the play "Nothing" by cake theatrical productions with the chengs, synopsis is as follows -

See the laundry in the machine.
It goes round and round.
See your reflection in the glass
you are a great sad clown.
Hello Mister. Hello Miss.
Where are you off to now?
May I join you on your way
into the great abyss?
I won't say a single word
or get in your way
I'll just be a companion. Grey.
It will be a grand nothing day.
Say yes. Say.


Nothing is an intimate observation of love and death. Various characters, some obscure, some mundane, some elusive, in various situations under various circumstances connect, collide, and inch forward, moment to moment, beat by beat. Someone lives. Someone dies. Someone laughs. Someone cries. Nothing else.


i'm joining the golden point award nationwide writing competition for short stories and poems.
shall save the semblance of brain juice i have for those. fingers crossed. wish me luck`

scream out loud

diarrhea of ridiculous nonsense each night every night and i have
thus far
cried enough for a reservoir, do think i.
something is wrong tell me what tell me not
say i am fine say i am sane
say nothing say nothing say you love me
let me believe you love me for i am torn

i have fallen, i am torn will you take pity on me?
just for awhile, tolerate me in your arms at least for a little while more
(for i fear if you will not i shall fall, i shall fall, fall, fall, fall)

silent silence, i am rocking gently
gentle sways in the lonely calm i wrap myself in
i walked and time rewound, i was wrong all over again
have you have you i must have you
walked in a reverie of twisted love, silent hysteria of obssession
have you have you i must have you

what's in your head, in your head
zombie zombie zombie
:the cranberries

book breakfasts

a muted smile, a slight nod.
and pause -
sit, slowly, on purpose.
and pause -
periodic flipping of the fringe (away)
and pause -

"green skies, and blue clouds
they sang a tune of lilting peace
gave a smell of true love, sweet
caressed past pains and made them leave;
completed the picture of lie.
taste, feel touch - the irony"

A JOLT.

raised eyes, the world is frighteningly normal
and pause -
fleeting dreams, wishes, injustice
and pause -
inadequacy, heartache, haunting memories
and pause -
false pain. false hope

The End, With Love

same old theme since 1916

and the violence caused such silence
(we must be mistaken)

diluted, the red ink trickled streams
crimson tears of fading memories down the arms
i am unable for these few moments to forget.
forgive me, i cannot forget. i cannot.
for these few moments, to forget, i cannot

are you sure you would rather i smile at you?

painful people, people in pain
they fascinate me.

others, i prefer their perceived superiority.
derogatory despise.
or fresh fear, each of them. fresh fear.

worded tatoos

ink red lyrical stains."i woke up today
can't remember if i love you or not"

"now nobody is worth living for anymore"


each page i read, each step i take
each word i type, each smile i fake
i carry your words with me i carry you with me
laden by the beautiful tatoos inked with the waters of love beautiful they are
muting, muted, mute.

and it hurts inside. there, that same spot
but i hold silence, because maybe we are both right, you and i.
maybe i deserve it

i'm going under, i'm going under
i'm going under, drowning in you
i'm going under
:evanescence

intoxicated.

sidelong glances, spruced up sloppiness,

skinheads.


it is time to get dancing again
when the exams end, i shall
"go back to the dance floor and ignite some fire"
as quoted from mingyang. (go figure)


i will save you from unoriginal dum-dums
let me blow your mind.

sugar don't forget what you already know

crimson red the regret and hatred is
pretty pink the hues of joy and innocence are
garish green colours the silent envy unjustified jealousy
black are the memories, white are the recollections
black is the image
black is the guilt
black is the hatred
black black black
the smile stripped in an instant
i will return the snatched moments of freedom in time
in time, in time

so while i got a short attention span

the hype is nothing more than hooha so
i'm developing a language and i'm calling it my own
:geek in the pink - jason mraz

i've just read an utterly depressing blog entry about being in sci.
another (hello claire! if you are reading this) who talked about bustle bustling life!
so. do you like your university education thus far?

ahwells. no matter, keep the answer inside your flailing heart and attempt
as i do as we did as you wrote
to sing sing sing all this ridiculous nonsense that is reality sing it away

i'm going to watch "Nothing" by cake theatrical productions with the chengs.
CAN'T WAIT

my birthday is coming;
this year, i hope it will be free of tears.
just leave me be in my bubble of frantic smiles
will do. this will do.

it doesn't matter if you make sense

reader fatigue, disinterest, boredom, or plain eye soreness are some of the extremely satisfying answers you will get in response to your pleading voice asking why they did not finish your story why dearest why why?

the blinking text indicator on powerpoint makes me want to puke.

i want to watch "nothing" by cake. go with me somebody. i don't even know who i want to go with anymore. lit people then, but who? who's left? who's left who is true? who's left who's not blue? who's left that i see? who's left who doesn't flee?

so theatrical, you would almost revel in the daring motions. you would almost forgive the shame

collectivist typing

smaller fonts that make up shorter sentences that convey precise nuances.

nominal ordinal interval ratio
we will win we will wow we will want woes when we wail.



if you knew a secret
would you tell somebody
or would you keep silent, and
retain the sidelong glances till your eyes hurt
and the nagging hurt inside that refuses to die
because your heart it hears the truth scream
"the fault is yours! the fault is yours!"

unintended inadequacy

reading blogs to scrape any semblance of relation to self in terms of derogatory remarks and dismissive dislike has always been an inbuilt talent. you would think that with such a fantastic flair i would have done some incredible deed, won some random prize or medal kind of thing.

boyboy got 1st for 200m race in school, i love my siblings. they say the shittiest things about me to me and boyboy just did something akin to digging out a barely healing wound with a red-hot poker. read: ouch. ahwells still love him

there are many many good writers and people with incredible styles of self-expression in cs i realise, many many wonderful ideas and moving words. colour me invisible, or worse..

it takes a certain kind of warped narcissism to be able to view negativity in all others' eyes upon the self. or maybe it is the other kind that is warped, everyone else that is mistaken;
ah, of course. to let slip from the mind the invaluable art of self-deception, how abominable

of mysteries; of friends

all your cryptic sorrows
they silence me

ditch all else

as they do you


dance dance sing sing write
read read laugh sleep cry
i only want to do what i like
i only want to love you if you love me too
i want to ditch all them else
as have they me