unintentionals

i cannot decide if i would rather things stayed the way they always had, average and nondescript and mundane and just normal.

now, with that fleeting moment of joyous flight, i come tumbling down alone through the whistling air while you shall fly on to places further than i have ever been. and thus i lose sight of you because i cannot imagine us together as i always do, because at least thus far you have been far away but to where i have been.

and thus i lose sight of you, as we talk now and i smile at you, i lose sight of you even now, as we talk now and i smile at you and i imagine yet another time that you smile at me, i lose sight of you even now.

already, i feel the heartache

to the depths of heights we shall fall

sing
Jul. 26th, 2007 | 10:58 am

I am ill. The head's burning and spinning like mad and I am going to puke my heart out.

Dearest 'Forever Young',

I don't want to celebrate the day, too.
I was thinking, and hoping, that we'll age gracefully, together. We'll be friends forever. I'll be there if you need anything, anything at all, and I know you'll be there to sing a song for me. We can be everything we want to be, we can have everything we want and need.

We'll be friends forever, and you'll invite me to perform at your wedding (i'll be your kickass wedding singer). I'll be your children's Godmum (though I think kids are irritants), and we'll live a ripe old age, age gracefully (i'll get the tattoos erased before the skin starts sagging).

We'll be friends forever, and when there's nobody you know there's always me.

Kudos to the things that we can't change, cheerios to everlasting friendship, love, hope and spasticism.

I love you all!


p.s.
I cant dense with you ah Chngs, alcohol addiction killssss.

pet muse

i remember now how your house has a piano, and how i played it in hope of getting your attention. i remember the cornflakes and you chopping onions for lunch.

i remember your room.

i remember your sheepish smile and unintended blush that was the most endearing i had ever come across, i remember thinking that many times. i remember your maturity and dependability and i remember your silent strength and covert character. i remember your laugh, i remember your taunts. i cherished them alike.

i remember your running, the look on your face when you pushed yourself. i remember your cutting remarks. i remember feeling hurt enough to cry, once or twice. i remember you pushing my head. i remember the feel of my fingers in your hair for that one second. i remember my first look at you. i remember our first conversation, i remember your horoscope.

i remember feeling safe with you, even if you always laughed at me, made fun of me. i remember the trampoline and i remember you did not come out to watch me. i remember your guitar-playing, i remember the concentrated look on your face. i remember your sudden bursts of moving words, i remember looking up and facing your gaze, i remember your hurried turning away. i remember your subtleties, i remember them all even if they never existed

a thing for elevated ground

my feet are sore from dancing in heels, my ass is sore from shitting, my ears are sore from the pounding music that is still reverberating. life couldn't be better.

first of all, many sorries to my best friend miss cheang yit ling michelle, though she won't read this. i love you many and i apologise for not meeting you today cause my head is killing me. i promise i will hug you and give you much love and buy you a drink and sing you a song the next time we meet. i love you.

secondly, i have never danced so much and so long on a podium and zouk's platform is freaking high and only on a single sip of long island. yes only 1 sip of alcohol and i promptly go mad, fetch the mind doctors please. and i regretfully recall many moments when i try to attract attention. BA HA HA it is both nauseating and releasing.

OI CHENGS where are you. we go dense dense when you are back, i tell you it will be ten thousand times funner than it ever was. i love you too.

enhui, please stop me if i attempt to seduce anyone the next time we club, it is just embarrassing. i love you.

mingyang, get your fatass back to singapore NOW. like NOW THIS MOMENT. you love me.

:D

i still want to dance. i do not give a shit as to whether clubbing is considered cool or not i just want to dance and i want to watch people who enjoy dancing, dancing. this can be such a simple and wonderous totaliness world, we just dance dance our nights our woes our tears away, life doesn't get any better than this.

i think i like flirting, yayness to me! should i attempt any such slappable endeavours in your prescence pray give me a hug or something. cause we all need some loving. yay. shits to all the challenging deep debatable confusing frightening heavy thoughts, loves to dance and fluff and all things mindless. i love love love and i love. loves

forever young; i want to be

Forever Young.

things are going to get hell of a crazy come my 21st birthday. on second thoughts, maybe there really isn't anything to celebrate after all

maria, ave maria

in your scent, in your face, in your eyes (lies)

she always keeps a lookout for the telltale signs. not so much to avoid as to be prepared, though of late she finds the involuntary cringes have multiplied, almost exponentially, even when all is peaceful and joyous. because with every force, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

oh my darling, oh my darling
oh my darling clementine,
thou art lost and gone forever
dreadful sorry, clementine

Laguna, Inc.
Joel (pronounced as Jo-erl really quickly) didn't know the song because it formed part of his memory of his first meeting with Clementine at the beach house. "i have never seen such cold eyes before, they scared me."

it is falling apart it is always falling apart. funny how tears come with disgusting ease for so many things, just not when she is hurt, in pain. a mess. "come on, just pinch me really hard, i need to cry," she said to him then. "i can't, you won't be able to take it. i don't want you to like cry or something"

"du-uh, i need to, my eyes are so itchy they are killing me. come on just do it, you know i can take it!"

and she didn't, not even though his pinch was hard enough to leave a bruise for three days after.

sometimes, things were like a paper house. perfect, beautiful, intricately shaped and furnished and designed and decorated. then along comes a puff of breath not unlike a happy sigh, and all falls down again

NO WAY

essentially, all i am saying is Sorry, for that i am loved.

sordid sorrowful tales (tears) i cry them for you i cry them
for the astonishing normalcy of parasitical existence; yet i indulge
like a child. as a child.
unstopping, unforgiving, unthinking.

i love you chengs, i love you junejune, i love you cassie,
siewfang enhui and
i wish you away from me if i don't: when i don't

and all that i will do is scream and cry hysterically
to attempt an encompassment of the sheer depth of life
and i will hug each of your self and tremble with force and emotion
i will inhale your sorrow, your joy, your dreams, your faith
and take them all with me as i fall to my whispering death
and all you will feel is a touch of discomfort, a tinge of hunger

"all you do is cry"

you walk around and dance aloud
scream along to songs with undecipherable lines
hug friends, kiss people, deny another drink
totter on high heels and retch alone into friendly depths
refuse the narcissism, refuse the shame

spasms

i grasp at the rivulets of words that flow like tears; away from me, only upwards.

i would say i broke your heart, only i recognise it not as such:
to me, it's just filth

a new kind of friendship

and here i shall and here we shall, strew the broken hearts (what's left of them) all on the floor along our paths. like a satire of red riding hood, only slightly more disturbing

if you show me your broken heart and i'll show you mine;
can we be friends forever, and live just fine?

i promise i promise to you i'm not cruel
i promise that we shall never again pool
in rivers of tears and lakes of pain
just this time round i hope things are the same
i promise i promise to not laugh at you
at your non-pain, for mine alone is true.

my lover's lover - maggie o'farrell

'But, Lily,' she is saying, 'everyone has a past.'

'I know that,' Lily says.

'And the people who haven't aren't interesting enough to bother with.'

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as he begins to raise his voice
you lower yours

:how to save a life - the fray

dancing in the moonlight

i think it is just that i find it difficult to stomach that i am no longer able to do something because of a person who isn't worth it anyway, but ahwells. so i'm not going to do latin dancing anymore. as for any other cca, i guess we'll see.

i have red red nails now, bright opaque unquestionable red. i'm going back to modelling (if i can).

i have no idea what to do with my life and my left armpit itches failurefailure. failure.

armageddon

"there were a alot of end-of-the-world movies made around the period of 2000, it was supposed to be the end of mankind according to the Bible"

"really? you mean the world was supposed to end in 2000 if the Bible was correct?"

"ya"

"that means the Bible is incorrect la. then why are there still so many Christians?"

"i don't know. everyone needs to believe in something i guess. acknowledge the good and correct parts and ignore the rest"


i have a new way of gauging how important people are to me. not by the overused if-i-had-only-one-day-left-i-would-talk-to-you kind of bullcrap, but that if my shit is already tettering on overspill, whose blog i would still want to read (assuming we all have blogs and i know of them).
junejune, chengs, cassie, siewfang, enhui,
that's for now. the shit is going to fly, byebye loves