why you make me feel this way

she kept her chin parallel to the ground, taking only glances at the people around her like there was something precariously balanced on the tip of her nose.

we are used to living life in short gasps. and then what of the lingering looks, were they ever there, ever there at all? there is a long lost love story that is really moving and truly sincere and i would like very much to tell you what it is, except i don't know if it was ever true at all. he said no. he said no, he said: "no. i have never."

in a place nearly far away, that dance continues in momentary eternity.


it starts in my toes and i lose all control;
hold me tight. wherever, wherever, wherever you go
wherever, wherever
wherever you go

encapsulation

i will always love you
i will always love you
i will always love you
i will always love you

how it can ever possible to reconcile each doppelganger and each alter ego and each alternating persona except by sheer pretense, i really don't know.

alternatively, i could walk the path already trodden so many times that noteven cloth peonies can survive on it anymore, and surrender to comfortable reality, annonymous pragamtism. so the whirlwind can be shielded.

unless it dies, i wonder

i will always love you

mediocrity

hopelessly so, and dragging others down with me to boot.

boo, hais

Jordan

She was incurably dishonest. She wasn't able to endure being at a disadvantage and, given this unwillingness, I suppose she had begun dealing in subterfuges when she was very young in order to keep that cool, insolent smile turned to the world and yet satisfy the demands of her hard, jaunty body.
:the great gatsby - f. scott fitzgerald

knots and cultural specificity

in finland, knots are not allowed in weddings because they spell bad luck. in english, to marry is often described as "to tie the knot".

after 22nd april
1. go to as many libraries all over singapore as possible to borrow books and be steeped in the air of le livres. c'est extraordinaire. tres bien.
2. meet aya and junejune and go somewhere nice to drink coffee and read
3. swim and tan my ass off
4. Dance Dance Revolution
5. save up and buy new novels
6. watch all the movies in the world on watch-movies.net
7. meet chengs and rot in nasi briyani curry and shop shout dream scream wave jump sms to support superband
8. meet elaine at her hse
9. meet cass and grace to eat meatballs
10. meet michelle
\
must. do.
1. work
2. home
3. RUNNING SNOWMAN BASKETBALL NIGHTS. i remember ok.
4. do fliers for wsc camp (prerequisite is install and learn photoshop)
5. danceeeeeee
6. give tuition
7. eat with family
8. pat lucky and exercise with him
9. clear the mess from the table of exiled academic paraphernalia (paraphernelia?)
10. read during lunch breaks, hopefully at the new terminal 3
11. dance and read and eat and sleep
12. sleep and eat and read and dance
13. read and dance and eat
14. sleep
15. yea you get the idea

banality as a result of shitting at the tutee's house after absentism for 5 million years. pardon me

essence, evaporation

because the strongest of today's societal constructs are free competition and free market, there is a best friend who keeps things because we are technically competitors, there is a fear when asking for notes from a friend, there is a silence that permeates the aftermath of someone; anyone, asking for a something that may possibly potentially just probably put you in a relatively less stronger position than before.

of course, subjectivity is another trait all too common, hence the rise of blogging. intellectual narcissism, pseudo-preachin, the works.

i would just like to say that i curb loneliness by browsing through my friends' pictures on the internet, i hide behind the screen so when the sudden wails come i can maintain some semblance of dignity, i visit your blog to read about you when i miss you, and you. maybe even you.

he said that he has no time for poetry because it is too messy, it entails too much of the peripherals of life. and you? what's your excuse?

so much loneliness in this world and all we do is turn over to the tv page, equate the picture of one dying child to another, go to another country and take pictures of suffering people and say they are happy and cry when we leave and return to our town window-shopping and more emotional projection, surf the online shops of our friends to remember their faces, touch the image of a smiling face and try to absorb; comprehend, the joy.

i hated being alone at home, and i would sing all throughout my shower until my throat was sore - i hated being alone at home, and i hated being alone at night, until i realised that i am alone wherever i am. standing a metre away from you, and i can hardly articulate the songs i want to sing infront of you the dances i want to perform the touch i want to feel and let you feel the tears i want you to wipe away the smile i want to conjure and much more and much less.

exams are ending soon, and all that this entails

and make the fireflies dance

there is so much to learn from reading, just the random rambles of a thoughtful person can be astonishingly moving. and i have to say that haikus are like the neutron stars of poetry. a single teaspoon would outweigh mount everest.

yes i had my astronomy paper today. haha. if a white dwarf is in a closed binary star system with a main sequence star or a giant, there is likely to be mass trasnfer, leading to a re-ignition of hydrogen fusion on the surface of the white dwarf. when there is enough heat to have helium fusion, the outer layer of gas will explode in what is known as a planetary nebula.

in expelling the gas layer, a bit of the white dwarf's mass will be lost too.

i realise i am extremely prone to nocturnal dystopic tendencies, resulting in random and often embarrassing verbal diarrhea. where has the sophisticated, calm, cool, collected, sure person gone? or maybe there is not any such person at all.

looking at things now, i think i would decide anyway to be able to truly learn and feel and realise, than be the all-knowing condescending intimidating bitch that is really quite troublesome to upkeep anyway (heels are the bitchiest shit ever. like seriously. and it doesn't help that 3 out of the 4 pairs of heels i have are at least 4 inches high and are stilettos).

but la hais. the inadequacy can really stunt my perceptual abilities, which ends in a vicious cycle.

write too many things alr. another unecessary personal nebula that will take some part of me along with the disclosure.

so many things in this world and life to learn, and which would you choose to comprehend, the move? the moving? or the moved?

--edit--
newton's third law. for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

for each intelligent read and thought and person... yea. you get the idea.
sometimes the sheer...lack of thought or capacity for it as is apparent but of course i shall not derive nor decide nor stereotype but ah it is challenging it is, it can be rather.. nauseating. ok la slightly slightly. haha/

goodnight

with this dip all the world shall drop dead

and we will finally exist only in the song of dance

j'aime la danse

i totally, totally miss dancing.

reality check

five million things to do and still as dishevelled as ever.

gobstopper

the only one which fills out the shape of my mouth perfectly;
resting upon the soft gum
nestling against an ulcer

it is in turn sweet
it is in turn bitter
it is in turn soothing
it is in turn sour

the only one which fills out the shape of my mouth perfectly;
there is no leaving me
there is no leaving you

i in turn embrace it
i in turn dread it

i eventually stand still
it is the perfect fit
and there is no leaving
there is no more leaving

shush

i feel..unbeautiful. again

essence

'What?' Anna asks in a whisper. I am listening to my mother telling me what a tabloid newspaper says about the theft of my son while he crawls headfirst under the covers to get to the foot of the bed.
:seven types of ambiguity - elliott perlman