give you 3 seconds to repent

actually this is all trivial. dying dying dead, cried cried cries, shout scream yell, threw throw will throw, bang smash shatter. stars are distant and heaven is far, nobody can really see you. everything is small and silent.

can you give me a chant to chant so this breathlessness can go somewhere else. i mean through my extensive powers of perseverance and determination and calm in times of distress, 3 more people have joined my fan club of people i have to make up to for deserting them.

ommla oomla or something, can work can alr. now please thanks.

resonant enough to cripple

this altruistic shit

let's be upfront about it. it may very well be a shield for all the self-damnation, loathing, inferiority complex et cetera et cetera. ceteris paribus, though,

the flailing world is a reality and i don't know why we don't help each other. like erm hello don't waste food and save electricity will die is it.

sometimes i honestly believe we deserve whatever shit will fall on us. because there are only so many brownie points being "actually nice people" we can claim before it is just inadequate.

breathless with this bubble of ambivalence;

stuck
in
throat.

Lists Make Me Happy

Things to do
things I should have done
things I must do to not have more regrets
why I feel so bothered
how to as rapidly as possible calm down

need some PEACE

The whole is greater than the sum of its parts

A variety of bullshit just rained down on me. I need Zen.

eyelid, singed

hi.

don't ask me anything about what i write here.

this is the only void i have left to speak to without censure.

please.

Depressive episode

Signs and symptoms of the depressive phase of bipolar disorder include persistent feelings of sadness, anxiety, guilt, anger, isolation, or hopelessness; disturbances in sleep and appetite; fatigue and loss of interest in usually enjoyable activities; problems concentrating; loneliness, self-loathing, apathy or indifference; depersonalization; loss of interest in sexual activity; shyness or social anxiety; irritability, chronic pain (with or without a known cause); lack of motivation; and morbid suicidal ideation. In severe cases, the individual may become psychotic, a condition also known as severe bipolar depression with psychotic features.


Hypomanic episode

Hypomania is generally a mild to moderate level of mania, characterized by optimism, pressure of speech and activity, and decreased need for sleep. Some people have increased creativity while others demonstrate poor judgment and irritability. Others experience hypersexuality. These persons generally have increased energy and tend to become more active than usual. They do not, however, have delusions or hallucinations. Hypomania can be difficult to diagnose because it may masquerade as mere happiness, though it carries the same risks as mania.
Hypomania may feel good to the person who experiences it. Thus, even when family and friends learn to recognize the mood swings, the individual often will deny that anything is wrong.

shiver

just the titles make me swoon

canvas
first train home
just for now
hide and seek
let go
headlock
not now but soon
loose ends

imogen heap, love

the heart doth poundz

when i think of something, someone, that i suddenly inhabit and hold the words to which secrets can be glanced, my heart gallops and the world becomes more colourful, more intimidating. suddenly, suddenly, suddenly i glimpse into a valley of closely guarded truths, and i must write them down before they dissipate into clouds, or rainbows - beautiful but all too transient. it has been some time since my heart pounded. today, it doth poundz and my head throbs from penning the previous entry.

ah, the things reading does to you.

this is the secret that nobody knows

sometimes, i stay home in with you so we can fuck. it isn't all about you, not really, but the blur that is desire and the insatiable desire that is appetite and the overwhelming appetite that is a sin and the unspeakable sin that is a blur.

the only real time is when i arch my back and that soft, secret sigh escapes the depths..of what, i know not.

perhaps, wars are fought for this. the cottony fluff ball that hangs suspended in each of us, hoarded like treasure and unknown like god.

aiyo aiyo

okay okay let's start the new year the happy way.

health happiness fulfilment and joy
save the earth, eat less meat, buy less stuff, use less things, save water
reduce reuse recycle!

lubs yews mannys
treehugger chngz

rant

incompetent, arrogant, obnoxious, ugly

g
r
o
s
s