many a strange thing

perhaps what i miss is a fragmented recollection, its pieces so disparate that each act of rememberance is in essence the spinning of another tale.

each act of rememberance is in essence an attempt to beautify existence.

it was nothing short of trembling pain to watch the latin people. biggest mistake to have went there without sufficient guard, and it did not help that catherine recognised me, as did william.

all this unspoken tugs at your heart i hope you feel, i will not be the everyday companion because that is mundane, i can live the poetic truth with you. that void of monotony (reality) - what is cherished is always what did not conform.

this choreography of truth. each move a chord of pain struck. and there i thought i would; could, transform the teacup turmoil into a moving display and there i ended up with a mental block.

standing amidst the moving bodies, moving on without me. and i stood stockstill and whirled round, round, trying frantically to decipher the suddenly unfamiliar movements - and failed anyway.

this memory and the others i will keep and the wounds i will fester. for each sorrow and each gloom beautifies the prose and the dance.

countdown

4. the pieces of my heart i gave or dropped along the way
3. help to people who need it
2. more money and more wisdom to know where to spend it
1. health and happiness to all my loves and my loves' loves

the chinese fan dance i did in deep slumber

the rice vermicelli that boyboy cooked for me, mama taught him when she still came home, late at night. each mouthful was steeped in her smell and laced with her sorrow.


"why got this 24 thousand dollars thing again, we must pay ah?"

"i don't know. that time i thought i settled it already. they say if within 7 days we don't pay they will sue us."

"monday then call loh"

"this will never end la..."

"never mind la. forget it. i thought about it already, at most they want my life i got one, if they want it they can have it."


mama please stop crying, i can't stand the sound
your pain
is painful. and it's
pulling me down
:family portrait
pink

wheel of fortune, and each option is outlined in irony, anger, blame and debt, highlighted with unfounded and unflinching love.

some of the oldest ginger

the torment of raising my hand to ask for time because i forgot the choreography (for the third time) is almost delectable. the following train ride home saw my hair smoking and my ass melting the seat.

primary school is loves, koh teck ming and tee kian seng on the way home, the roots are alive again, always nice to see old friends.

and christmas cards from step and shell i could recognise them from their handwriting. is loves i love you for loving me, love.

"(the) above sticker is to make you HAPPIER =)"

mingyang's 22nd birthday

"i read the first 2 paragraphs then i was damn happy, i wanted to tell you how happy i am the moment i wake up today because it is my birthday i thought it was a surprise.."

"i see other girlfriends talk about their boyfriends on their blogs i'm very happy... why don't you ever talk about me? i don't treat you good enough is it?"

the dear is cuteness la.

HAPPY 22ND BIRTHDAY LOVES
loves. (:

i slip softly through, your slim fingers

feeling traces. i embrace this
feeling that lingers
(oh that lingers, that lingers)

HAIYAH junejune is in the house and she is bloody noisy forgot what i was going to say alr. and june BUY ME THE DRESS WHEN YOU GET YOUR PAY LA
K LA BYE LA BYE LA

the odd oddity

i read your blog and yours oh yours too, to see if there is a part of me there, is a part of there about me, is there some definable joy to be extracted from others' perceptions of the person i see when i brush my teeth everyday.

what would it be to live in a world where hearts are woven onto sleeves, and we all forgo the disconcertingly comforting inane small talk, instead screaming with our eyes squeezed shut and facing planes plants or persons "i am entangled in a nonexistent recollection!"; "i need some practical surreality, or befuddling truth!"

"oh it is wrong, how i do love you so!"

banalities

as i leave you
i disintegrate beautifully
:faye wong

salsa camp was short, muddy, a touch scandalous, altogether sultry and sneezy.

my inability to be a good follow continues to be a pain, made literal too last night when my lips got whacked by a not-very-thin elbow becuase i failed to get the cue to turn. lady's styling class was quite fun, a touch scandalousness. i still miss latin quite a bit, but without my dance partner who i will always see as hanming, i find it rather challenging to pick it up again.

spent a good bit of last night trying to fall asleep to disgusting failure even with the screaming muscles and creaking joints, the little voice kept singing and saying secret little things that should be shushed, ended up rolling myself up into the blanket like an onversized popiah.

if the solitary figure onstage stumbles and crumbles and regains enough momentary balance to present you with the most disturbing, arousing, subtle dance you have ever experienced and your lover's hand is in yours, could you would you should you acknowledge the lingering aftertaste of it that twists incessantly in your mouth?

not that there is truth nor reality in my ramblings, they are after all random afternoon thoughts on a random afternoon of a random day.

i can paint the colour of your touch on my canvas of discrepancies

rainy days

the blind man singing is a familiar sight there is one at orchard another in tampines one at boon lay and one more at yishun.

today it is a rainy day one of many rainy days, today the blind man was at tampines mrt again. today like recent days his son sang while he beat the traditional drum.

today the blind man this particular in no way peculiar just another blind man he beat his way into my mind and his son's singing rang in my silent heart. as did they for the other many others congregated before them. feet kept dry while the duo drummed and hummed with wet feet, feet wet from another rainy day.

today it is a rainy day just like any other rainy day, today a boy sang some people's hearts away just like any other rainy, just like any other rainy day

annual

this is my new muse
each year every year there is another
pinprick of darkness that swells that grows
and i jump, and reach,
and i tug, and smile

this is my new muse
keep the hair on keep the forlon
sigh, because, this is how so it shall be
this is how so it shall be

keep the hair on
keep the forlon
run on, run on. if not for the danger
then for the solace from stupidity

less empty than it seems, it seems

so what if it is so so what so what so
this rhyme, this time, this fine thin line
we thread we tread weaving steps through memory's fabric
you are not the needle, you
you do not have say
you do not you do not have say

we took pictures with the huge bean at boon lay bus interchange

on my way back from tuition just now, i got a huge splat of birdshit on my right thigh. this is loves.

write and write and write unmoving on the chair frantically conjuring new compelling images and sounds and voices songs from the past they meld together they marry another they weave through each other they make you cry. i want to collect your tears, i write to make you cry. i cry to make you cry. i cry to make you cry.

the aya is not back the siewfang is somewhere the junejune is everywhere the chengs is nowhere. the enhui and cassie are ikea meatball fans. i chinese dance here and there i forget i know it not, i forget i know naught, i forget

the lilting song is my respite. a blanket of ignorance in reality's sweltering heat

jasleen

i want to own that runway too.
SHUSH

we will walk past each other and fight for the envy
we will strut the style of fashion and the awe of personality
we will command the world for that few moments
we will wow, we will. we will.

junejune is my loves and my supermodel powerwoman bestest zzpy.
i want to deserve to be her supermodel too, i want to deserve my walk, i want to deserve that look, i want to deserve your gaze. your momentary envy.

this fierceness i embrace the ecstacy i crave
your admiration i demand.

you lose the memories, like unrendered effects

while each wispy trail of taste lingers like a disturbing aftertaste.

脸: 王菲
呼吸是你的脸
你曲线在蔓延
不断演变那海岸线
长出了最哀艳的水仙

最好没有人会明白我说什么
只有你听懂我想什么


countenance: faye wong
i breathe your countenance
your silhouette it is contagious
the horizon of the sea is weaved thus - ceaselessly
therefore it be, the painful love of the water deities

let no one know my words
and you, only you shall discern what i think


good chinese song lyrics are the most painfully poignant, the thousand thin layers of intricate symbolism can tear all my walls down and ground them to dust,
sprinkle them back on me like sparkles in the world i dream of

daily rundown

today i went to chinatown for an interview with the united artistes network person. xunhe is in the same company but i don't like her portfolio pictures they took for her, the cleo ones are much better and she took them after the photoshoot, so no 368 is definitely not worth it.

dreams of stardom with stars in the eyes blind them to the fact that the sky is dark and only dark.

ten tons of makeup and ten tons of guts. there is really nothing astoundingly humiliating or frightening, really, just the subtle reminder of what might and would have been if only, if only, just only, because of fleshy fleshy fleshy flesh flesh.

ah. wells. love puns, do you, you do.