today i did this and this and this

hello,

today i met nabila, fariza, fahimah, nadia, and salfarizah and we went to eat at lucky plaza. (maybe my new name should be lee-yaa)
today i bought the geeky specs i wanted and a new orange vintage-y wallet
today i put mopiko on the rash on my back
todayhuimin sms-ed and said my phone was ready for collection, but i have no money until my next pay so
today i asked huimin if she could ask papa to pay for the repairs first
today i read a few emails from salsa people and i am always heartened by how sincere everyone is
today i was captured on camera, and i am not sure if it is a nice picture so
today i posted a picture of myself on my blog for future reference and judgment
today it rained for the first time in a long time and i looked out the window for some time
today i watched a man on tv say "save my wife, she is everything to me" and it was acting and it was moving
today i listened to songs that trace my sighs

stripped

pen my rainbow of thrills
sing your scent of imaginary
frills; the hopeless folly and smile
that you bring me, to
like you wring me, too

what was that film again?

the one with this female character bleeding from her eyes

ah, cloverfield. the giant spiders bit (more like left huge gaping flapping) holes in her right shoulder.

i wanted to look at the picture we took together with the crazy grin and i realised it is NOWHERE because i smashed my phone's screen and now there is nothing nothing for me to look at and pretend that i am really not,

took up one of the used tissues to my eyes and proceeded to scratch my left eye with the pricetag of the birthday card i bought for venetia because there is no dustbin in the room so i stuck the pricetag to a random piece of tissue; now i bleed from my tear glands for real

the keys on the keyboard sing their song of comfort
for i am dumped for trash is dumped
my eyes sting and i took the longest shower ever and gurgled my mouth a million times
nobody shall hear the sobs

and if i am so fucking emo i may as well go do my work
and then to sleep because pragmatism is the way to go
and seriously, in all honesty, pragmatically,
i have to go.
i show no love no concern no effort no commitment no dedication
so GO GO g-o GO

"valentine's day is the day i will remember when we broke up."

note to self: you are the laziest most useless uncaring unthoughtful inconsiderate leeching screeching whining complaining crying fuck you keep crying so what you gonna do now that's useful, what have you ever done that's useful i don't even know why the fuck u are in cs all u do is cry

where is my mind, where is my mind. must have bled it out with the tears.

i walk down history as a failure of a girlfriend.
now i will fucking stop my fucking emo verbal diarrhea and go do my work.

dumped trash cause the trash is so trash. tres bien

"Stop feeling sorry for the both of us when all u shld have done was love and cherish our r/s"

"actually no need to say anything alr la.. just come and move all your things out."

""U disappoint me countless time and take no fuking effort to rectify them. U have ur stupid restrictions. U put wallS betw us. And u took so much money from me."

"Seriously what have you done? i really can't remember anything except all the stupid crap u gave me that screwed me up."

"seriously la. u are lazy, u put restrictions, u forget about me, u don't even care about what i need. u think i need a stupid wallet? no. i need other things much more. but do you know what they are? no you don't. and that's all i will remember about u, u and ure stupid crap."

"a part of me really just hates you now la. seriously. i even cursed your family just now can. i seriously cursed u. i think i have been sensitive enough already. so sensitive towards you for what? you don't even put in any fucking effort for the both of us."

"cry cry cry all you do is just cry, and then oh the next time we meet and whey and then hopefully everything is back to normal."

"I hate u.. A part of me hates u now."

the comfort of my pillow

in the mirror watch your fingers floating up and down
wisps of smoke lazily flowing further
i followed on your walk in the garden with her
the trees shone green and the breeze carried your smiles
(i felt we were there together
i felt we were there together)

cleaning the table of tears

your scent sews into my skin;
each scribble of pain
illuminates
me, to the poetry love is

every step you take

and every move you make. every bond you break
every smile you fake
i'll be watching, you

this is the silent song which will set my dance free
because surreality is the embodiment
the soul of thee;
love

for all ways
for always

entitled untitled

this is the entitlement of untitled so coveted for so long
henceforth, both hands will be free
to trace the reflected leaves in the water

blinded by the light

yes, this may be the clearest moment i have had for the past year, or maybe the past 2 decades.