so this is why people stop caring

it's just too tiring to sustain it when there is negligible reciprocation. thus far i have done it out of seeming inevitability. now that there is none left i see that it is purposeful and calculated ignorance. after all i am hardly essential to you, why should you be crucial to me, why should you ever be crucial to me

and i promise you'll never hurt anymore

i just went to lai de yans' fb to look for perry's fb. he has changed his profile picture, the 3rd now, to one of him and the new girl. the new girl, chenchen, has also changed hers to one of her and perry. i can only imagine how devastated, continually, lai yan is, esp since she met him before leaving singapore, and especially since she is going to the hometown of the new girl. it is understandable that the new girl would feel as an individual threatened and frightened by the newness rawness and vulnerability of her new relationship, hence the profile pictures, but seriously, perry, how heartless can you be. how heartless can you be. this is so saddening i can stab my heart ok,. want to need to have to stop caring so much. cannot take it alr. balking like a cracked boulder.

doesn't help that hui min keeps listening to sappy love songs that are all lies. love is a lot more thorny than this, i promise you.

ballad

there are many places i could have been tonight, foremost at the multimedia event, organised by possibly the most knowledgeable professors i will ever have the honour to meet. instead, i was trudging along deserted roads in an unfamiliar neighbourhood, past the odd stray dog, many trucks, regular congregations of predominantly foreign or old men gazing in rapture at 22 men kicking a ball, and talking about everything that comes to mind. there's no other place i would rather be.

they won't let me in

The Witches - Roald Dahl

The two of us remained silent in front of the fir for a long time after that, thinking about these wonderful things.

'My darling,' she said at last, 'are you sure you don't mind being a mouse for the rest of your life?'

'I don't mind at all,' I said, 'It doesn't matter who you are or what you look like so long as somebody loves you.'

font size eight

friends are bubbles that float near enough yours to collide gently and regularly enough to be comforting lapses in the endless stretches of silence that is life. i'll tolerate your ranting if you do mine, give you comfort in exchange for stealing company, some mind space maybe, some heart space hopefully.

the breathlessness has dissipated largely because of coffee. who would know that kl's coffee tripping brought about these many revelations. haha. keep downing caffeine, inject enough piccolo latte into veins for that bright-eyed wonder at the saturation everywhere around.

violin strings on a lonely night. i bet you hear nothing. i bet you have no idea you are my london. london, london, i bet you have no idea you are my london

and yet

wish for hope this joyful
do i, i do

stop and stare

i realise i have a knack for gazing intently enough to convince even my self that i am engrossed.

it must be zimms

throughout the world cup fever these are the thoughts i have

with the extensive labour that was required to improve the infrastructure, how much labour was exploitative? how many homes were destroyed to make way for beautiful scenery en route to the stadiums? how much food was rerouted to tourists instead, how much did the price of food rise for locals?

how many children have starved?

how much of the money earned has gone toward helping the impoverished?

how much of the history has been truly understood, as pointed out in prof z's class, there has been extensive effort to erase parts of the violent history, how many people have voted instead for the tours organised by citizens bent on preserving the integrity of their history?

waka waka, this time for africa; how much of the benefits reaped have been truly for the africans?

music and videography are powerful tools. as the shot pulled out from the stadium i saw the wooden shacks on barren land. there is a reason why the shots of people in the music video for which shakira sang are staged and in studios, why most of the natural shots are only of animals.

gotta get reading the fleff blogs again. let's rise above this revelry in game and understand the entirety of such global phenomena.

silent and spacious

silent and spacious silent and spacious silent and spacious silent and spacious

starlight

silent and spacious, silent and spacious

cross step transfer weight roll shoulders one hand on hip another on head, tilt head from right to left, smile and act seductive

i will go to cuba and dance on the streets.

merrymaking

if there is a lightning bolt like a sudden jolt the kind you open your eyes wide, shocked by a touch from

*
unexpected nuggets like gold flakes strewn amongst gradually withering blooms
transgression the ephemeral skirt of tassels toying with soft skin
i am breathless and breathless with sighs
i don't love you and i always will


`
the first is that i don't love you
the next is that i always will
the third would be you are naught to me
the fourth, the fourth, would you stay if i plead?

;
i will pretend i did not see your gaze upon me.

mope like mop then laugh like hyena

"does moving house make you So Excited that going home pales So Much in comparison that you are so bored that you are almost dead?"

HAHA DAMN FUNNY

how far can i run

helped pose as young working adult shopping at gss
lunch with amy & yy at vivo superdogs
school for salsa training with wei jie. we are choreography nooblets, this is taking a lifetime.
phone call with pings
phone call with mingyang
dinner with wei jie at tiong bahru market
phone call with sarah
phone call with papa
train
home.

breath

less