lullaby

hush now, hush now,
the curtain of black soothing the stinging soul
windows
(keep your head low, someone walks by
you will not cry. you shall not die
of the shame) is unspoken
how dare you, how dare you lead a sad life

everything's gonna be alright,
everyone's gonna be just fine
everything's gonna be alright
everything's gonna be alright

hello you, stranger in the mirror
stranger, stranger in the mirror
if we touch noses will you comfort me

battle of the sadness

i was 50 minutes early for the interview.

the interview was in the conference room, and there were 3 men seated spaced evenly in a row opposite me, with a placard each stating their name and designation. they were dressed in full formal wear. the lady who opened the door for me was seated on the left, out of my line of sight as i faced the firing squad;

how is your financial status now?
how are you coping with your financial status?
doesn't your sister work too?
isn't there legal aid for lawyers?
how much does it cost per month for all the expenses?
what do you plan to work as?
do you work? how much do you earn?

this is the selection of candidates for the bursary; this is
the battle of the sadness.

are you sad enough?

rewind

apple the ping guo is a friend you like, and she is in your poject group for 401.

vans the sai is someone you like, and she is your president for salsa.

nah xue yuan is also likeable though he might not know or think so.

felily has been a gem though you are not the closest of buds.

cinema studies, dance, and film are your interests and accounting is quite exciting actually.

so what the FUCK are you doing

goh po

i am glad i hugged you on chinese new year.
thank you for offering me the cookies.
i hope there is no pain where you are.
rest in peace.

with stinging feet and singing heart

i mouth the rhythmic musical pulses in time with the working side of my earphone
left in my right ear
i close my eyes and picture jumping into a split and flinging my head back
i replay that 18 seconds of the song again
i lick the part of the roof of my mouth that i burnt with the microwaved peanut butter waffle
and the butterflies from my heart beats they flitter from my left ear, from my parted lips; flee
(free)

if i reach out i can touch your face in my memory, and i feel your skin;
can you feel mine?

i like songs that are in foreign languages because the words become part of the tune,
lilting and complementing the ebbs and flows of the musical instruments
and i am reminded of the beauty of language
and i can imagine that the lyrics sing my twirling flying kiss of a song

anniversary

with love

Discovery Channel

I love the mountains,
I love the clear blue skies
I love big bridges
I love when great whites fly
I love the whole world
And all its sights and sounds
Boom-de-yadda, boom-de-yadda
Boom-de-yadda, boom-de-yadda

I love the oceans
I love real dirty things
I love to go fast
I love Egyptian kings
I love the whole world
And all its craziness
Boom-de-yadda, boom-de-yadda
Boom-de-yadda, boom-de-yadda

I love tornadoes
I love arachnids
I love hot magma
I love the giant squids
I love the whole world
It's such a brilliant place
Boom-de-yadda, boom-de-yadda
Boom-de-yadda, boom-de-yadda


I Love the World, also known as I Love the Whole World, is an advertising campaign launched by Discovery Channel in 2008 in promotion of their new tagline: "The World is Just... Awesome".

The song used in the ad is a re-writing of a traditional camping song known as I Love the Mountains or I Love the Flowers, depending on the lyrics, with a distinctive chorus of "boom-de-yadda, boom-de-yadda".

today i scoured my heart and gouged the dirt out and laid it on a palate nicely fully in view. it was also the quickest exit ever i had made away from a class. escape was nothing short of a necessity.

it seems surreal i ever did it really. poured it all out just like that. hope you enjoyed the show, tune in next week same time same channel on bhwee live. (this would actually be halfway hilarious if it weren't true. sigh.)

(i really like the persona of lim yu beng i have constructed from my knowledge of his media persona and acting ventures and today's class.)

(from my 330pm self)

the rise and fall of his trilling, thrilling, full rich voice falls in sensual strokes upon my ears. like an eccentric hot air balloon, his lilting exhalations rise, rise in tenor, pitch and volume, until they don't, and then i fall together with his breath.

a moment of wide-eyed suspension in the pause, while unfamiliar and wholly intimate song titles pirouette across my eyes before jumping into a split out of sight -

this is how i disappear
everything in its place
i might be wrong
mama
life in a glasshouse
nylon smile
stop crying your heart out
just like you imagined
one day i'll fly away
(nice dream)
this is how i disappear
this is how i disappear

like spinning plates.
like spinning plates -

#23: hairpin

wo, manly

today i used a facial mask and hair mask for the first time in my life.

there is a pimple propping proudly below my left nostril. my chipped nail polish is still chipped and still on my nails. work starts tomorrow at the airport and i bought my ugliest pair of shoes yet, blood red mini heeled red points. the dress is white, normal-short, halter with a red collar. i only need to squat to reveal my ass and its accompanying blubber.

for some reason i cannot understand this sentence in the reading for narrative film theories -

This theoretical move lets us avoid that a priori favoring of certain film techniques characteristic of mimetic theories.

like, huh?

i am 21 years old. if i could see my younger self now, i would say this: the only difference between us is that you have made fewer mistakes, and yours are not of reverebating consequences that will ring so hard you wouldn't hear the voices in your head anymore -

and so you don't hear them: "run, run, run"