quirks are hardly relevant when you need competence

it is always easy to talk about lessons learned after the fact, because the embarrassment, humiliation, and various failures can easily be swept under the colourful carpet of self-righteous deprecating admission of fault. only, these matter none when problem-solving skills and stamina are required. and, well, maybe this is the breaking that i have to go through.

one kind of sour taste, to have it on the table that i am not only mediocre, i am not even trying very hard. and no, i am not sure that i can handle admitting it openly. the aura of raging emotions was great enough to make myself disgusted, only i could not control it. or just shaken.

wah...this is tough. i don't know how i is going to triumph this. actually, it's called go fucking do the damn work and stop blabbering.