prom

i will remember you

will you remember me

you have grown on to me;

and i can't take my eyes off you
i can't take my eyes off you
i can't take my eyes off you
i can't take my eyes off you
i can't take my eyes off you
and i can't take my eyes off you
:the blower's daughter - damien rice



the song has grown on to me as does a creeping plant as have you
i'm trying to shake you off even as you bring me warmth
i am so cold i am so glad for you i am trying to shake you off even as you bring me warmth


my dear friend,
i have no ways no means of helping you. very obviously she is your wonderwall
i can only sit here muted by irony and give you my silent company
i know it is not enough, that is how it always is.. i hope it is enough, i know it is not enough


and suddenly my sweetest taboo, those long gone days of frantic loving
of silent hysteria
senseless crying sudden laughing
sincere, sincere living
the crazy days return again
this comforting confusion of that nostalgia is so pungent
it was the only time i truly breathed


skipping along into puddles of random rainwater i feel
alive
i feel so so alive


"such pretty words, but life's no storybook"
:enhui

pink cotton candy blues

my brain is fried.

the crate of wories i drag now is two
and i can only painfully bring them to you as
my head dips in shame utter disgust in all i have done
and these ropes they cut into my wrists but such inconsequential pain
i dare not speak of for i have no rights to comfort i deserve none
and the only thing i can bear to say to you in all senses true
forgive me father, for i have sinned

three drops of water

One for you, one for you. One for me.

I had always wanted to write good books, pen good tales. Now I think I can do nothing. I want to write my feelings down for the world to see just that everyone else is doing the same so there is nothing in it nothing special to be doing it anymore.

Ditto for every single thing I’m doing every single thing I will do.

I want to blog this down right now and I cannot go online. It is akin to screaming at a wall the sounds just sort of bounce off back into your ears. After awhile the volume and pitch and claustrophobia overtake anything else and then you just give up and stand there, panting. Tears and perspiration drip down together as one inseparable like lovers.

Clinging for dear life the red ant was to the cliff of the curb. I was Primary One waiting for the school bus with my maid then, Julia-jiejie we called her. It looked like it was going to fall off so I put my finger there for it to climb up. I intended to drop it off at the top of the curb where it seemed like it wanted to go.

The red ant bit me and I swung my hand around turning like crazy and the ant refused to let go. And I screamed it was the first time I was bitten by an ant, and that because I wanted to help it. Such a laughable matyr at seven.

Now, I am merely laughable.

get up

it is time to live the life. live my life. get up and go
since you so obviously do not give a shit i should not, see. and so i will not not anymore

i know i am more special than you, and i am liable for nothing and no one
care i shall for those who exist in my world, and love i do
the rest it is time for all them all you to
Realise. Your. Pathetic. Insignificance.

is been too long since i clubbed

i will remember you;

will you remember me?


funny how we feel so much and we can't say a word
we are screaming inside and we can't be heard
:sarah mclachlan



sung to; the last one left and i live
and thus it be that i live...

whew.

the beginning chords of guitar (i nearly said piano why did i nearly say piano)
they salvage the failing soul

and all the roads we have to walk are winding
and all the lights that lead us there are blinding
there are many things i'd like to say to you
(but i don't know how)
:wonderwall - oasis

you are my salvation i can feel it
I AM AFRAID OF MY DOWNFALL
because it can only be too true


i said maybe, you're gonna be
the one that saves me
:wonderwall - oasis


for every force there is an equal and opposite reaction. i am happy
so happy now. and each day that i feel joy each
night it is that i drown in fear.


let me live in this dream of dreams
or not at all

all good things - nelly furtado

We are what we don't think
Missed everything daydreaming

Traveling I only stop at exits
Wondering if I'll stay

I want to pull away when the dream dies
The pain sets in and I don't cry

I only feel gravity and I wonder why



Well the dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon, hoping it would come soon
so that they could

Dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon
so that they could
Die die die die die

well the dogs were

barking at the new moon, whistling a new tune
so that they could die

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxVOoaZGlak

worth the watch. esp now tt i know how difficult video editing is

swallow your saliva

and for a moment the world turned red i saw red and stripped my soul was, just in those seconds i was so angry i could have killed. i could have screamed. i could have cried.

"stupid la, all these shows. all the girls only know how to cry."

"then you want guys cry meh?"

"oh ya.. okay la girls cry girls cry. haha"

and can you say you love me, when you don't see me anymore
:other side of the world - kt tunstall

i want to pen a really worthwhile tale but all i can think of and pen down is the infinite injustice done to someone i care for; i guess i can hardly escape my own rock solid belief. human emotions, personally applicable ones, are the ultimate pitfalls to beautiful literature.

i mean, after all if the proximity is too great, only a blur of colours can be discerned Hardly The Clearest Of Depictions, You Realise. (and other stories ha)

and the fire fades away; most of everyday is filled with tired excuses
but it's too hard to say.. i wish it were simple but
we give up easily. you're close enough to see that
you're on the other side of the world on the other
side of the world you're on
the other side of the world to me
:other side of the world - kt tunstall

i get a kick from breaking hearts (those that come along), have i told you before?

unfold me i am small
and needy warm me up
and breathe me
:breathe me - sia

oh well. continue i shall on this journey of self-discovery
or self-destruction self-mutilation OH COME ON
if they could know of the human body in its entirety where would dissection come in.
learning is essential, as is legacy. life?
part of the alliterating equation maybe. on which side of it though i am as yet unsure

"orh yours is the emo kind one huh"

somehow i am mildly offended by that categorisation. is this what they deragoratorily term emo? i prefer to think of my writing as something more tasteful. as in, the language, diction, style, and all.. don't they make my words more of a literary read? or just the kind of emoshit ramblings i so condemn

gosh. i hope to goodness not.

isnt it hilarious how i am so easily swayed by fleeting questions and offhand remarks? i could almost laugh at myself with casual ease.

hello, i dreamt that you were so in love with me as i am with you. in the strictly literary sense. the beautiful not stupid simple kind of love and i woke up again in tears (the fourth this week) because as always the only beauty in my life exists only in my dreams

one day i will be special, one day i will love myself

swish they go like waves

enlighten me please.

i have no idea why the sorrow is so astute. or is it acute? i have a really bad problem with proper pronunciation, i hope i mentioned.

please live your dreams. contrary to popular belief, there is no other life to do that.

the stinging sweetness of such sorrow, i am stripped of words to describe. "you..quite poetic ah?"

lol. love the lings. that is great praise thanks

chengs is leaving. im sad like fuck. obviously i'm happy she will live her dreams. i want all of you and all of you to

hence i shall not venture to define these tears

too much is never enough

"her eyes they shone with an unnatural light
almost immortal, but still unnoticeable"

one thing you have got to concede, i have many good friends. and yet, and still, those few hours nearly pushed me off the edge. not that the day nor fatigue had helped i guess.


there is something you should know, that such sweet retribution, i know it. and yes i taste it, and yes i hate it

why do i not matter to you in that way? you should cease to exist for that because either it is you, or it is me.
let's do this the mathematical way. so if there are enough to whom i do not matter enough... i should end, isn't it. makes sense totally.


i'm just falling short. always always always. "inadequacy is...quite universal, you realise. so why fret" because i want to matter.

i want it so much i want it too much

will you always love me? - joyce carol oates

Later, when she'd recovered, calmed and softened and sleepy by several glasses of wine, Andrea confessed to Harry she'd thought he'd asked her something. She knew he hadn't, but she thought she'd heard the words. When Harry asked, what were the words, Andrea said she didn't know. Her forehead, no longer creased with worry, kept the trace of thin horizontal lines.

Harry thought: We're drawn to the mystery of others' secrets, and not to those secrets. Do I really want to know?

the knife - joyce carol oates

and when Bonnie said with her new skepticism, "Nobody can do this, can they!" Harriet said, "Oh, people can do anything, sometimes."

Harriet sometimes wondered if she and her husband were training their daughter in the ambiguities of life and not its stark primary colourations.