"aahhh uuuu"

Bizarre Love Triangle - Frente

1, 2, 3, 4, won't you stay a little more

swing

now the days alternate between raging angst and (relatively) wise(r) acceptance. either way there is no point spilling my heart out telling you anything. please tell me, where's the sense in that? there is none. we love each other or at least, like, we do, only there are no words that could bring me closer to you. there are none.

well wishes and uninformed optimism are quite similar actually. groundless useless and pointless.

i await the next swing into purposeful denial and fluffy glee

bondage

since that day the winds whirled and swirled about me and my world has become more silent. in prioritising, you will be surprised just how many words are redundant, that don't need to be said.

i don't care. why would i care, i hate her. i don't give a shit
save her. save her and take me save her please save her
oh comfort me i'm scared and the nights are frightening and the dreams are unnerving and my sister is scared too so i cry silently but would you could you just for one moment care just one moment would do
please speak softly my heart is broken

words and words and words that don't mean anything to anyone anyway so why should i utter them, i have not do not and will not. i refuse.

the nights now are no longer tearless, they are merely sleepless.

congratulations to you if you can have all the sunshine and happy days in the world, and i always knew i was not meant for such days. but good for you, hurrah for all of you, and i guess given the distance between us i can meet you in the next lifetime.

and don't tell me to cheer up if you don't fucking know what it means to cheer up. to cheer your own self up like putting makeup thick as a clown to be beautiful.

aiya. type and type and rant and cry in the shower at home in the toilet during lunch at work at night walking home in the cd store hearing the song she love(s/d?), averting my eyes from pictures of happy people brochures of places i would like to go people i would like to know all this is Fucking Useless Shit.

if i cancel all the redundant words there is nothing left for me to say.

pillar

the smell of the pink antiseptic handwash stays on my hands long after i have left. it endures through this cab ride too.

first you rub your palms together, then between the fingers, then the back of your hands, then your thumb, then the space between your forefinger and your thumb, then rub your fingertips againsrt your palm for both hands, then rub your wrists in a circular motion. rinse and reach out for the handwipes just above the sink. sometimes the automatic tap doesn't work and i can feel the soap seeping into my skin while i wave my hands infront of the nonchalant sensor.

dust has only just began to fall
spin me round again and rub my eyes
(this can't be happening)
: hide and seek - imogen heap

i remember many times that i have cried alone and in public and suddenly and gradually and in the day at night at dawn at dusk and in timeless enclosed rooms stuffing the pillow into my mouth again.it is false that time erases things. it just dulls it into a repetitive and at least predictable pattern of pain.

there are so many things to be said about..i don't know. a sad love story 25 years old, an internship 6 months long, a relationship 3 years since, a crush 4 years through. a betrayal 5 hours old.

let us be silent and weep. or dance. let's just go dance. we won't speak because talking is ridiculous and we won't cry cause wailing is tiring. let's just dance the world dead and the pain off.

and after that - a sleep long enough to take us far, far, far away from here. hush now, hush now and sleep. hush now hush now nobody is listening anymore hush now hush now nobody is listening anymore hush now hush now let their rainbows glow and their sunshine illuminate hush now hush now hush now and sleep. hush now hush now hush now and sleep.

Moonlight shadow - Groove Coverage

it will lull you deceive you seduce you tempt you haunt you it will free you

On A Night Like This - Kylie Minogue